By a series of mishaps, Des and Frank have acquired £20,000 pounds in cash, which belongs to Mr Baxter, rumoured to be "the hardest man in Bognor"! Unfortunately, Frank has been seduced by a buxom gold-digger, and lost the lot. When Mr Baxter's biggest heavy knocks on Des's door demanding payment, Frank and Des have no choice but to find the money by hook or by crook, and in this case via a big bad crook called Krakowski.

Krakowski is currently languishing in a prison cell for the rest of his natural life. He's not getting any younger, and he desperately needs to produce an heir to inherit his millions, no small feat through the iron bars and three-inch plate glass of a high security prison.

The solution? The Baby Juice Express. A tube of the ageing criminal's sperm is regularly smuggled out of prison and transported via a complex chain of emissaries to his mistress Trixie along with a turkey baster to apply it!